It's really difficult to find a friend who treat u as his/her bestfriend as u do...
I thought i found one...
BUT...
I was wrong...

Happy Girl~

2OFF days...
Yesterday and today...

Happy Birthday Bro! U have turned 22nd on the 2ndSept...

Sing Sang Sung with Jason Mutu...
Almost all the songs i sang are emo songs...
so he also got "infected" by me
3hrs not enuf for me.. haha...
Before meeting him, i already Haachew-ing...
spoilt my mood can... the worst thing when u sing is when u having nose blocked etc..
but its still not tat bad...
I couldnt wait for another singing session with the rest of them but when is it?
i dont know... =(

After that walked to ion to look for bro's present...
so i stepped into the superheroes shop...
browsed super long...
cos i jus couldnt decide which tee design shld i get...
so finally i bought him a M size white tee with superman logo... =)
Ate raspberry tong rou shao...
den i got a sudden craving for bubble tea cos im super thirsty...
so we walked to fareast busstop...
at first thought of going bugis to queue for Koi.. but none of the buses going...
and i suddenly rmb Chinatown!
so ya. i suggested to take 143? to chinatown..
so we alighted and ordered 1 greentea Ma Qi Tuo and Me, Choco milktea..
Their choco milktea thumbs up...

so we sit down somewhere chitchat...
and i said 'i feel like burping now... Can?'
Him: Sian diao face -.-
so i Burpped~
haha
alright
den he there complaining walao come till chinatown just to drink Koi...
there is like Huang Jing Nian Hua... sitting with the uncles and aunties..
haha
den Bye to him...

Train to boonlay to meet up with my family...
and i late... oops...

Later going for my San Jiu Mu's son wedding which is my cousin?
So long since i attend wedding..
Exxcited!
Tml working at MG Full.. abit sian though but okay ba...

Where are you!!!
You have MIA...
two days and u yet to reply me...
=( sad can...

And when can i watch FD5? You said u will watch with me...
LIAR! I know u are busying with ur sch work... i can wait till u r free but i doubt u will rmb that i asked u watch FD5 tgth...There goes my FD5... :'(

Jason mutu going in 'prison' for one month... :(
booking out during friday night lol...
no one go break with me le :(

At times, it is really awful to have the thoughts of me probably being just a subsitution of her... Do u really treat me as ur best friend? or i am just someone who can be use as ur standby/backup?
slowly i get to know wad kind of person u are but i could jus say u are a complicated person...
I truly hope tat our friendship is true and we can be friend forever...
Anyone who step into my life and become my important fren, it really impact me alot...
im a sentimental person...
And not surprisedly tat i always look for listening ears be it at sch/work...
Just someone who im comfortable talking/whinning to...
Are all the things u said true?
I really hope.. 10yrs,20yrs,30yrs...... down the road.. we are still best friend...
Will that happen?

So wanting to sing but our time just so hard to coordinate...
and this Jason Mutu is going reservist next whole mth :(
Its good and bad...
Good is i dont talk so much with him...
Bad is when im bored noone talk to me...
I just find it damn amazing...
When i was at my previous counter...
i dont have the chance to know the rest of the ppl in other counters..
but now i guess all choco counter. at least i know a handful of them...

Yesterday sales were so bad... i dont know how... ppl passed by they dont look at our counter...give sample they dont wan... eat our sample dont buy...
i dont know what strategies i still can use... Feel so helpless...
Somehow i feel that im giving a bad impression to the rest of them...
cos my sales are really atrocious...
In the morning, working at MG... few mins later when i open shop, a couple walked in and bought choco from me... damn happy... seriously... i thought will be a wonderful day for me.. But..
I dont know.. i jus feel stressed up...
and soon... my pay is coming in... yea...
and i shld start planning wif my sis whether we can go on holi in October!
BANGKOK! I want to shop till my legs ache.. haha
Ages that i didnt go on holi...
I just want to leave spore for at least 3 days...
ever since that saddening thing happened, im trying to be strong...
Now is Aug... turning September...
already over-ed for 4mths...
My wound is 99.9% healed?
haha.. i guess so...
i just wan to stop breathing spore air...
Bangkok air!!!!

Sometimes... i dont know... what am i to u... i have to repeat lots of times but still u jus ignored...
(anyway im not referring to the same person above)
This few days i just wait till u text me first... ya u r busy too...
so i decided not to disturb, pester u...
jus like ytd... i tink this will be better ya...

Ever since i change to another counter i am very very stress with the sales...
But now... i guess i have used to it...
somehow know around wad time will open bill...

=) things....
I know new friends again!!!
One of them is Tan Mutu Jason...
last time when i worked at Fadina... i already seen him before jus tat i never smile or talk to him.. until tat day when belinda talks to him... i joined in the convo...
He can be my second brother...
haha

Yesterday was the first time i dont feel bored when working morning shift...
After work... meet up with my clique...
the fire wasnt really start up when i reach...
so i grab some bread to eat...
Hungry! haha
den slowly bbq hotdog, crabmeat , taiwan sausage..
and Yvonne created her own "salad" with bits of corn, crabmeat,hotdog,cheese,butter,asparagus... haha
Delicious..
Drank Sparkling apple with Martini and lime lemon...
nice combination...

den the more i eat, the more i feel lethargic...
den dad comes and fetch me... haha
Today first time i worked morning shift in shop...
forgotten to bring my cardigan...
frozen in the shop...
so i decided to stand outside of the shop... standing there watching the passer by
haha
which makes me look like an idiot...
no choice but have to cos outside is warmer than inside...
After work went to taka...
Fun chatting with them...
Brighten up my day though its already like 4plus...

5 more days to final destination 5...

Last wednesday...
went alone to get my blood test done...
I am scared but what to do...
I straight away turned to my right when the person poke in the needles...
damn gross when i see my blood flowing out fast...
first time i took my blood test...
my vision fading...
but this time, my vision was clear...
eating iron pill every morning before breakfast do help...

Last Friday...
Had an appointment with O&G...
need to do scanning...
MUST full bladder... -.-
so i have to force myself to drink lots of water until i feel urgent...
i lost count on how many did i actually drank..
roughly 20++ those small paper cone...
Plus one cup of red apple juice...
it's digusting... not thirtsy yet need to drink...
during the scanning, i could see my bladder...
and some other organs...
freaked out can...
im damn worried that there is anything wrong with me...
But Phew~ im fine...
Anemia not caused by menses...

Did pedicure with sis at fareast...
Happy =)
Thank u Sis...
making u wake up early in the morning acc me to SGH...
U really care and love me alot... Muack.. haha

afternoon another appointment...
after i ate iron pill and vitamin for ard 2mths...
my total red blood cells increase until normal range..
i thought i could stop the pill but the doctor still instructed me to eat it for 6mths...
OMG... at the pharmacy... the people gave me 3 mths prescription first...
i really dont like to eat iron pill... =(
Anyway i weighed... Gained 0.4kg...
time for me to lose some weight...
getting fatter and fatter...

Left with the most important appointment next mth...
And in the end who care the most?
Is my family...

It's so nice that i have a bff who can make me laugh and laugh...
even if i look at his face, i will smile... =D
He never failed to cheer me up ba...
I'm happy now... suddenly there's this guy popping out in my life saying he is willing to be my bff...
A brother tat i can complain..grumble to...
he also complain and grumble to me too...
haha...
Burping in front of him like non-stop...lol
and he will say "ENG SIEW PING ! LAST WARNING!"
hahahah
he is also as lame as me... humorous like me too... haha
really happy that i found a bff...
so far so good... never regret knowing u...
Wanting to say Thank You to u...

Monday went shopping with my sis =)
Bought my working black jean,shoes and socks...

i paid for my jean...

the rest my sis said she pay for me...

haha

for the shoes i returned her $2 cos by right its bad to give ppl shoes...

so ya i gave her back $2..

having a sister is a benefit cos they will dote on u...

everytime i go out with her, if she can, she will buy things for me..

when all my pay go into my UOB a/c, i shall treat her a sumptuous meal...
haha...

after tat dinner at ion..

ate katsu curry(my fav)

den went to a bar somewhere near little india with sis's fren, Joven...

Cass joined us after tat...

at first i tried red wine and white wine...

in the end i chose white wine ...

inside there's small cutes of apple and strawberry...

so diff huh..

den order strawberry magarita..

such a big cup lol...

Sitting at the roof enjoying the breeze...

I like..

my sis and her 2 friends all iphone...

so they started playing fruit ninja...

addictive lol..

so i also played...

Cass drives...

so she went to pickup her husband den send us home..

Thanks.. hehehe

I enjoyed sitting at the poolside heart to heart talk drinking beer...

competing who burp the loudest and longest...

haha..

i will win u one day!

Not to forget...

my new name is Tevia Eng...

Unique name?

Before we reach floating platform, we have to passby citylink..
so he bought the popcorn(dont know wads the name)
Caramel crisp...
den he got 2 cup of choco drink... =)
finally i got to drink tat... hehe
den he bought 1 1.5L mineral water...
as if he is going for some picnic... haha
reached there and the tickets are yellow sector...

so im so lucky... first time went to floating platform to watch ndp rehearsal and i got to sit somewhere at the center...
There's 1 part where they intro diff races diff culture etc...
den got xiao long bao...
damn cute....
and the FIREWORK!!!!
there was heart shape firework!!!
damn beautiful...
Dinner burger king...
den off to have some beer... heart to heart talk...
cool sia...
managed to drink 1/2 of the big bottle of heneiken, the rest he finished haha... and i spotted some red rashes lol...
weird...
in the past, i dont have rashes after drink...
so i abit freaked out...
den its near to chinese 7mth.. haha
den cab home...
enjoy myself to the max...
thanks bro...
i will laugh whenever i see u...
u try to cheer me up when u see me started to emo...
rmb durian ah!!!
Pool!!! loser punch...
hopefully u can be my best friend forever...

=) Day

Singing with Deanna,Zg,Mel and Dedrick...
went to teoheng... it used to be our regular place to sing during sch days...
really miss lots...
haha... We patronize there like most of wed cos its our free day if there's no fyp...
Sing Sang Sung.. Enjoyed to the max =)
Went to Astons somewhere along the shophse...
Had french fries... salty hor...
After that zg suggest to have some durian... but mel scared that once she *Burb*
~~durian smell~~
Deanna yong and Dedrick yong both hate durian.. haha
both sounds like sibling.. haha.. D Yong's family..
I love durian...
I hate jackfruit... hahah
In the end we decided not to eat...
Other days? durian feast..hehe

I got a new fren.. His name is ah beng.
Eh NO! Sister?
Also NO! Strawberry milk?
All NO!!
Haha... Is S.H.A.U.N!!!
he said i have passed his communication test and im qualified to be his BFF...
chim huh still have test...
Finally i have a best friend forever...
You are my first bff.. honour anot...
You better dont lie to me ah... I chose to believe u this time..
im very sensitive to friendship thingy nowsaday...
Anyone who dont appreciate me as their friends.. Pls leave me alone...
WARNING:::DO NOT!!! Step into my life if u dont appreciate and cherish me as a friend...

I am really glad tat i dont have the urge to msg u or wad now as compared to last time when i still so thickskinned pester u making myself so buyaolian...
I can tell u and the whole world now...
I am living happily now.. getting to know a few new friends...
Its rather pointless to stuck at one point living so miserable...
You can be so happy and enjoying ur life now so CAN I...
And i totally woke up! like finally...
U are not the only impt person in my life...there are still others...
Without u doesnt mean is end of the world...
No more the weak siewping...
at least i can say... now,im stronger than last time...

Yeah! Finally i can rest... Chiong all the way for 2wks plus without Off... though tired still worth it :) Time pass really fast when i work everyday...
Alot of things to blog but where to start off...

Okay...
From my blister feet!
Now the bottom of my toes full of blisters... disgusting rite...
standing for 7.5 hrs for 1shift and 10.5hrs for full shift with my cover shoes, no air circulation mean SMELLY FEET!!!...
Worked 2 full shift this week...
There's promo at taka...
we are lacked of manpower...
Just like yesterday... me n weichiang worked full shift... tending the promo area and counter...
Previously was frustrated of the product pricing and stock quantity...
now... phew~
Yesterday was our last day... and i gonna rest for awhile before i start work at Belinda's counter...
Grateful thanks to Jenny auntie cos she gave us a small gift to wish us all the best...
All along she dote us alot.... she bought us ToriQ chicken ball... treat me her biscuit =)
Treat me lunch/dinner... feel very paiseh so me and weichiang bought her favourite scallop biscuit as a token of appreciation.. Thank you auntie...
Had alot of sweet junk food whenever i work... haha...
choco from other counters...
i really need to exercise to burn my fats and cut down sweet stuff... i dont want get diabetes...
I am more happy now though working in the society is stressful, its the place i can grow more mature... making new friends... knowing interesting stuff like Labanese stuff...
Super looking forwards to singing session with them and steamboat...

:'(
Last day of my work at Fadina and i still never get the chance to talk to him...
really sad... I never smile to him whenever i passby his counter cos i dont dare to...
Timid me...

Ytd after work...
Supper with Weichiang, Jessica and Lewis...
Lewis parked his car at cineleisure carpark which is also called Birdshit carpark...
so his car full of bird droppings... lol
Went to Newton circle for supper...
Thanks for the fried kway tiao treat... :)

Hopefully my 2mths pay coming in today...
Working hard everyday, knowing tat i did earn $ but havent receive my pay...
Earn but cannot get to spend... lol...

Last thing...
Do i look like some philippine or malays?
Customer asked me Are u a malay/philippine/others...
And i said...
I AM A SINGAPOREAN CHINESE!

Begin off with Monday 11st July...
I was told that i will get my pay... im soooo anticipated for my cheque to come...
texted lady boss to remind her about my cheque and she replied that she couldnt give me the cheque now becos of a missing signature... -.-
After i read her msg, i totally moodless...
Keep hearing tat she will pass us the cheque when she comes down counter...
Full of disssapointment!!!
By right working till this sunday but some promo happening now at Expo and upcoming promo at taka food hall so they are in need of manpower...
me n weichiang decided to commit 1 more week...
This week is HELL!!!
By right Tuesday is my off day but boss command NO OFF DAY FOR ALL OF US THIS WEEK!!!
Even sian.. SPOILT MY DAY!!! 1st NO SALARY! 2nd NO REST DAY!
While the rest busying at Expo... me n weichiang also damn damn busy!
Helped to pack stuff...
Wednesday me n him both worked Full shift...
Tiring huh...I stand too long until my feet have blister and scatches... 1 word PAIN!
and both my legs become zhu jiao... swollen only...
On a happier side... Supper with Jessica, Belinda, Lewis , me and weichiang at Bao Jing Tian...
Enjoyed myself to the max...
Belinda is a humorous person too...
And they knew my secret :(
Keep getting tease by them... *Blushing*
What's wrong with having an eye candy...
I didnt even cause any incovenient for him...
Looking forward to K session...
i so wanting to sing...
Sing my lung out...
Let out my sadness...


And Wed full shift but i set the timing for afternoon shift...First time of my life i set the wrong alarm time...



Rushed to work without makeup=UGLY!Pale!

Even if with/without makeup i look Ugly but still makeup can cover abit of my dark circle and make me look less pale...

Basically this few days at counter we are overloaded by work...
Weichiang cough and sneeze... these bugs pass over to me and my turn to cough n block nose...
haix... Nick faster come back to work lei...both of us desperate for rest day now...

My bro finally back to his hometown after strenuous training in Thailand..
Me, maine, mom,dad went to fetch him...
Even though i feel so sick still i dragged myself to airport...
Had Swensen =)
His flight landed ard 0103
waited like 15min den he's out...
on my way home, dozing off...
Off to bed straight after i brush my teeth... :B
Blocked nose is superly irritating...
Disturb my sleep only...
and i could feel the heat at my outer body...
Sigh~

And i getting fatter n fatter... due to the supper after work... Argh!
How are u? U seems to be MIA...

Last saturday morning shift...
not much sales...
damn sleepy at the counter...
jus feel like going home and sleep... haha
after work went to meetup wif my clique :)
Had the Handburger...
super bloated...
Sorry Deanna, my planning like screwed up...
By right shld plan something to do after dinner but ended up during dinner den we start discussing wad to do next...
i could only say im a lousy planner...

1 kind soul asked me....
'How did i feel when i wake up yst morning?'
And he said....
I can control my thoughts and emotion! Have i ever felt happy cheerful bubbly when i wake up?
My answer is NO!
Have i ever felt bad,discourage,sad when i wake up?
YES I DID!!!
However, it is just waking up!
How can i feel all this emotions when i just wake up?
It all starts with ME!
I can choose to overcome my grief and bitterness towards him and be a better woman or i can choose to dull in anger and self pity...

Thanks Boy...
I know now i should not bring down by him...
since he didnt get affected by me much or not even get affected and living well happily now...
Why should i be soo SILLY torturing myself...
I could say im SILLY TO THE MAX!!!
Oh well... it's a matter of time...
without him is not end of my life...
I still have a long journey to walk...
It's just my first r/s only what!
I should learn how to take and let go...

Anyway yesterday was working afternoon shift...
Sis and her fren came to my counter...
after tat sis meeting her fren at Dempsey PS Cafe...
so she asked me if i wan to tag along...
so i went...
very romantic and peaceful place...
drank cranberry juice...
and her frens are all 33yrs old.. haha
so they asked me how old am i...
what im doing now?
Just a few random chat :)
Sometimes mixing with people who is older than u by alot is good...
Den sis's fren drove us home... :)
Guys drive using 1 hand is COOL & HANDSOME!!!
haha
I like mature guy... :D
Now im 20th... reaching 21st soon like 9mths time...
My mindset should be growing mature...
For now, im sure what i want to do...
Just do and dont have to bother what others think...
As long im NOT WASTING MY LIFE!

Know a few new friends :)
Jolinee, Belinda, Ewan,Jessica

I WANT TO SING!!!

Saturday worked morning shift...
Nick has chicken pox now.. poor him.. i think by the time he recover, he dont have to come back to work cos he said he will be leaving on 15thJuly...
Nick couldnt come work mean me n weichiang have less off days...
working wif weichiang is extremely better than tat 2guys...
cos he can entertain me, talk nonsense wif me...
so there's 1day when i walked out of counter i saw a regular coke standing upright on the floor...
some inconsiderate ppl threw it outside our counter...
so....
Me:'Weichiang, come and see.'
Him:'What,*walking out of counter.'
Me:'See, u pick up and throw lei.'
haha im a bully lol...
so he picked up and threw into dustbin...

He also likes to randomly hum songs...
so he hum Wang Jie's song...
Him: ' 那只是一场游戏一场梦...'
Me:' WangJie also have another song, den i started singing...为什么道别离.....'
after awhile den we realized its the same song...
haha damn funny...

the day before, when i went to return float...
choco auntie queuing infront..
inside stall n outside stall have to queue separately
so this gurl she is confused lol..
she dont know which 1 she's belongs...
so auntie said:' Ni bu shi li mian jiu shi wai mian ma...bu shi wai mian jiu shi li mian ma'
haha i standing there laughing...
this few days at counter, i jus have random craving for Ba Gua, Rou chuo mian, mac.. haha
and tat day coffee auntie gave me a cup of strong coffee...
when i got back home, rest awhile n i managed to slp..
haha i think coffee doesnt affect me at all...

ytd business was lousy... haix
standing outside call out for customer but i didnt like everyone walk pass me i will call out wad...
and maybe i said very softly n unagressive, ladyboss couldnt hear wad i say den she said me lor..
say must like this... abit bushuang cos not like i standing there totally nv talk... i did ok...
jus tat im too soft...

ok ever since i eat vitamin n iron pill, my palm n feets sweat alot...
usually i will have sweating palm n feet but not always..sometimes only...
damn irritated... den my feets sweat n rub against my shoes so there's scatches plus tat day elvis stepped on my injuried toes -.-
ytd mom helped me bandage and it really help... not so pain...

Ok...enuf of my work...
Sat after work, went home to change into slipper n short cos my toes really really painful...
so im late...
me n fel late.. haha
but jus nice when we reach Mahanttan, its our turn to order...
so brendan share wif us his army experience...
he showed us his old fashioned phone... haha
behind his phone there's a SOS button...
so he keyed in my number and pressed SOS...
den i received a msg in chinese saying Jing Ji...
followed by a Call...
after tat they catch a movie but i didnt
So Sorry...
next time we shall meet up again ok to chitchat more, pool or bowling...

den bus to clarke quay... alighted at tat stop... walking towards The Central...
when crossing the road, suddenly i feel the urge to cry...
tears swimming ard my eyeball and i jus refused to let it flow out...
den take my time walk to white bar...
something happened before i reach...
i could only say Sorry Deanna...
dad text me at ard 1plus asking reaching home le ma...
so i said ya going back soon...
he text me again after awhile asking reach le ma..
i said u can go slp first maybe meeting my sis who is somewhere at clarke quay...
den i went off after tat... this is the first time my dad didnt ask y i come home so late... usually if i join the guys for drinking i will leave like 11pm... this time later abit...
so reached home seeing dad lying on the sofa watching tv and he didnt say anything or scold me...
haha quite surprised...
Thanks dad for staying up late to wait for me to reach home safetly...

I will really TRY... TRY NOT TO bother so much now abt wad u doing etc...
really this time.. i will tell myself its not my business, you like to do wad is ur own freedom, i dont have the rights to bother it... even if i jealous abt wadever stuff, suan le...
I just wait for the day when we can really turn back good fren...
i will wait for this day be it 1 yr...2 yrs after ur NS or even more...
You are still my bestfren though im not ur best fren...

OK after rest for so many days very nua... haha
time for work later...

Ubin...
I find it nice to cycle at ubin.. i like...
first time cycled at ubin and irritating mosquitos bite me like nobody business
before amy reach ubin, Gua Xin Jia Bo Feng.. the sky cried out loud.. Bomm~!
sheltered inside ahgong's hse(he sells drinks)
finally went into the quarry...
both my hands tanned abit :)

So Mel, Deanna,Zg did their jumpshot...
den my turn to jump into the water...
if i not wrong is zg asked me jump!
den my mind is blank...
not very scared but jus i see the water...hmmm~
so like 5-10mins later i decided to jus jump lor since there's lifejacket but still i will scared cos i feel insecure when my feet doesnt touch the ground...
when i jumped in... the water straight gushed into my nose..Ohmy! my nose drinking water...
if i know how to swim i of cos enjoy staying inside the water...
maybe cos i dont know how to swim so i dont like water sport.. i prefer racket sport...
I love badminton :)
if there is chance i will learn squash and tennis...
i find gurls playing tennis super charming?
and its under scorching Tai Yang Gong Gong
make the gurls look more sporty... :)

So im very proud of myself too...
cos i conquered my fear.. plucked up my courage JUMP IN!
phew~ scary but good experience...
at least i did myself something proud tat day...
Siewping bear in mind... MUST BE BRAVE!
Nobody can help me to overcome my fear but MYSELF!

went to marina square de Carl's junior...
tats my only meal for tat day...
morning i took my iron pill n vitamin and i dont have appetitie so i nv had my breakfast...
i didnt grab any bite at changi...
cycling wif my stomach empty.. hmm at least there's lemon tea and water in my stomach.. haha
Finally dedrick came...
he becomes white... LOLs...
ok he stopped his warehse job le...
more time to go out wif us...

Where is the old siewping?
Last time im more sporty go training wif my teammates, having fun playing badminton wif them..
More hyper and crazy when im with frens..
Now.
I rather be quiet...
How i wish i know a kind and rich guy who is so nice to bring me oversea and cheer me up... But obviously im just daydreaming...
*slap slap*
wake up siewping...
face the reality...
if u let me choose again..
i rather i dont wan to get into bgr in the first place...
though im desperate, bgr will only hurt ppl...
super super painful process but now regret all these are useless...
i could only be more clear minded when it comes to bgr next time...
even if no matter how hard i cry each time, its not enuf. my tears can just dry up easily but the pain jus wont get away...
only if i can overcome myself. stop hating u, having pingchangxin smile to u when talk... this is the day when i let down everything...

Siewping just accept the fact tat the world is cruel. Dont hope for ppl ard u to care for u. when u expect someone to show care n concern to u but they dont instead they show their care to someone who is besides u. Worst thing is someone tat is jus besides u, someone i know. so much care tat u show her is so obvious. Even me standing at one side, i could see clearly...
Interpreting from the way u chose to treat me, one thing i can only say is... to u, i dont deserve any care from u so u dont even need to bother abt me. Ya u can do wad u like. u dont have to force urself doing things u hate. if i ask for care n concern from u, its impossible, it like a HATE for u... if u care for me i tink i will win lottery like few millions...
Ya im quiet. no matter how i couldnt join in the convo. Is my own fault. In the end i got left out cos i zhi you zhi qu. it appears tat i didnt lose alot of things but in fact i lost alot. im no longer cheerful like last time and more. im trying not cos of my dead dead sian sian face to affect ur.. trying to smile n all if i can... if i affect the mood of ur i say Sorry! i didnt meant to be...
i dont get it. sometimes ppl mingming get alot of care from others yet they still dont feel satisfied.
Living in this world really very tired...
first time in my life i gotten such a huge blow in my 20th life from u...
ya im dependent. im NOT INDEPENDENT!
ya i must learn to accept all the sadness by myself when im dependent for the past 19years... hard to straightaway do so but i will try... even though my nature is very emotional i will still try!
FROM NOW ON I WILL LEARN TO BE LESS DEPENDENT n BRAVE IN DOING THINGS.
always let u jian ta me... if u feel tat u will feel happy jian ta-ing me jus continue...

U said u need time to really tune back normal. next time maybe u will be normal to me but not now. ok wadever. i shldnt bother so much now also. it will make me more terrible...

Wednesday
Ever since we graduated... the clique only left wif me, mel, deanna and zg who have frequent meet up as compared to the rest...
haix... i dont like the feeling of separation but wad to do.. its alway part of our life...
Having the intention of tanning until my skin turn char da.. haha
but the weather is so cloudy... so i didnt get tanned at all.. dissapointing...
Eat astons after tat...
Went pooling...
super long i didnt pool..
the last time i pool? really dont rmb...
So i had fun wif them...
Went to find weichiang after tat den go home...

Yesterday which was Saturday...
I worked morning and my eyecandy also...
sometimes i will turn over look at his counter den weichiang said if not u hide behind the wall den peek at him... -.-
den he demostrated how... haha
so he did this a few times whenever i say abt my eyecandy...

when i was doing nothing suddenly *Piang* i heard the sound of plate/bowl dropped on the floor...
weichiang was standing there cutting nougart i think so i ran over see wad happen and i purposely want to make him curious so tat i can say him Kaypoh...when i am also kaypoh-ing
*raising my neck*
I see nothing... at the same time i saw my eyecandy also kaypoh-ing lol..
jus when i said Kaypoh lei to weichiang my eyecandy turn back and look at me...
Aww~ den his face expression is like smile smile one...
really brighter up my day...
he looked at me, i errr awkward feeling... *blushing* :)

this few days walked over to lucky plaza have my lunch/dinner...
finally had the Chao Zhou Zha Jiao Mian... yummy...
last time i dont like to eat Fried fish slice bee hoon but now i love it...

Its 26thJune!!! Cant wait for my pay to come in and this time im going to do an atm card...
if i tell ppl i dont have atm card they confirm laugh at me...
even last time when i sell fragrance all my $$ go in my bank a/c tat is under my dad's name...
so this time i wont be so silly, i will open one a/c and earn lots of $ save lots of $
like this i will feel more secure when i go out...

I think my memory also getting poor... Deteriorating in process...
Tml SGH appointment... Argh!
can i dont go... when i tink of stepping in there again i totally sian diao...
Hate it!!!

I seriously dont know wads wrong wif my mom...
she quarrelled wif my dad ytd and im not bias but i still feel my dad not totally at fault...
and jus now she scolded me... and say some nonsense...
Hello... when u can cherish ur life can u jus cherish!
some ppl wish to survive but they couldnt...
i swear after i quit my current job i will soon go work for others...
i know u are very xinku... now i working but i dont earn alot...
i willl at least give u some $ and tat can shut ur mouth also...
i appreciate how much u invested on me since pri sch..
u let me tuition and tat make me have a quite smooth journey in my studies..
i never say i wont xiao shun u.... I WILL!!!

You said before we dont have topic to talk... so after tgth... you found out we are so different...
Different doesnt mean we cant talk like last time crap all these as a friend...
Seeing u having so much topic wif others but not me...
This reflected tat im just a stranger...
I agreed with this sentence...
To me, you are my bestfriend. BUT to u, im not...
i told u before u are my listener since last time and whenever i grumble to u, u will reply and show ur care...
but now...
wadever things regarding abt me... i told u.. u jus ignore dont bother to reply me..
this shows wad...
u are showing me tat oh u jus read wad i sent u and den u dont have to care abt wad i say abt me...
ya.. its not ur business of cos u wont wan to care...
i told u before... dont draw ur line too clear until tat u dont even show fren care...
and u said ya i know... u sure u know anot...dont seems like...
when our mutual fren post anything in fb u will comment...
since when u will comment mine...
do u have to be like this...
and tat day u said u are sure last time during schooling we seldom msg...
but i tell u, schooling usually msn... if not wkend i will msg u...
and tat time when i am having handfootmouth i also msg u quite alot...
u still say we seldom msg...
u know u have poor memory...
are u sure u never rmb wrongly...
when we tgth i msged u alot but other than tat lei...
in the clique i contact u the most...
i know im not ur bestfriend...
no matter how much i do for u, care for u, how much we been thru, i will never be ur bestfriend...
only her, who u like, u treat her as ur bestfriend..
u are jus bias...
now im not bringing out the things when we are tgth but when we last time as gd fren.. and now...
Is u ended it.. ok... nvm.. i shld be the one who got hurt most...
but i still request again n again telling u tat i hope u dont treat me so cold..
telling u can u not hurt me anymore...
i jus wish u can like last time crap joke...
ya something happened tat can cause changes...
but like i said before...
our friendship is so fragile?
jus becos of tat thing u change ur attitude towards me...
u become more frustrated to me..
when we are gd fren...
u never fierce me. NOW! u fierce me.. u dont fierce others but me...
is it fair for me anot...
did i do anything wrong tat u have to fierce me now...
unless when the day i find tat u really tune back, if not i will still bother abt how u treat me...
everyone know tat friend , to u, they are important..
u show tat u cherish them..
but since when u cherish and appreciate me..
if u do, now, u will treat me even nice as good friend...
i told someone before...
even if i die, u also wont bother...
die jiu die lor... right...
i could only conclude one thing...
im always 1sided and bu yao lian..

Like this song
你把我灌醉 －陈洁仪

喔爱让我变得看不开
喔爱让我自找伤害
你把我灌醉你让我流泪
扛下了所有罪我拼命挽回
你把我灌醉你让我心碎
爱得收不回

credit from http://mp3.sogou.com/lyric.so?query=%C4%E3%B0%D1%CE%D2%B9%E0%D7%ED%20%B3%C2%BD%E0%D2%C7&lyricId=7cf5e18326791f45&w=02009900&dr=1

Also thank you Dad!
wkend most likely u will send me to work...
Most of the time im afternoon shift so when u free, u will come fetch me when i knock off at 930pm...
i can see u very anxious abt me especially after knowing from the doctor...
u ask me to eat well.. eat more meat ... dont this n that dont wan eat...
I will takecare of myself... dont worry...

I want to talk to my eye candy but i dont have the courage... haha
Anyway today and tml OFF...
Jio weichiang n liy out for Kkkk cos i dont want to stay at home if not my mind will went haywire...
Sorry to wake u up LEOWWEICHIANG!
Thanks for giving me face to come haha cos u last night sang and u today sing again...

Went to my medi apptment last fri...
Doctor said i have low red blood cell and abit low zinc..
Iron deficiency aneamia..
so she prescribed iron pill n vitamin to me...
i still need to go back again n again..
really sickening and troublesome...
I really dont want step into hospital again but still...
sounds not very serious rite aneamia but my tongue still the same...
so got to find out wads the cause of it...

A kind soul helped u say good word abt u...
Saying maybe u jus dont know how to react and im not a shit in ur life...
i seriously dont know wad u thinking...
Keep saying is U the problem and not me...
I dont know u r really guilty or jus happily living out there...
I see u living so happily now.. when u told me u couldnt totally treat nothing happen but i see ur life now... u are living well n happily dont seem like u still couldnt forget the past...
Hoping u dont hurt me more but u said u couldnt do well perhaps becos of some barrier...
My heart dont know broke into how many pieces by u...
U happy...
I just having a very NAIVE thinking... thought tat u said u feel guilty and thought becos of it u will treat me better as fren but .. u are unable to talk to me caringly and still cold...
i really dont ask for much...But for u i think u feel tat im asking too much...
I jus hope u can say caring word sometimes when i msg u... but like i said, ur reply r jus like for the sake of replying me... ya im glad u tried replying all my msg...Maybe u jus need really sometimes for u to cool down and talk to me normally... as long u talk to me normally i wont dig out the past... u tink its fun for me to keep saying those things meh... im also very sick n tired of it... last time tgth i already feel very tired jus tat u initiated to end first before i say...
I told u i wont say all these to u again in sms but i still can blog it. u dont like u dont read...
At least writting down make me feel better...
U are someone tat affect my mood the most...
its super terrible when im actually sad but still i need to wear the smile on my face smiling to customer when serving them...it made me feel even more emotionally tired...Sometimes i really try very hard not to think if not this wont help me forgetting the past..
I give u time to tune back...
But can u jus promise me u will tune back normal but jus a matter of time?

I think my 2 eyecandy only work morning shift? so weird... never see them work afternoon shift before...
Yesterday 1 of them which is the one beside beside my counter haha...
he wore black shirt.. usually he wears white long sleeve...
he looks more handsome in black.. haha

Im feeling very terrible... really hate this feeling...
Ya i shouldnt demand more from u... I shld be glad tat u did reply my msg...
but its always i ask what u answer what...
its like i dont know how to describe the feeling u give me... ya rather cold i can say cos u dont ask me much also...
Do u have to do until so cruel...
Give me such a shitty ending already very hateful...
Why cant u jus treat me like tat time when u trying to mibu me when u happen to know i sad n cried cos of ur...
U happy la hor... Made someone into this state cos of u...
HAPPY LA!
If u got ren xing, u will treat me better than last time...
but u dont...
As wad i mentioned in my previous post, we wont get back to normal if we dont contact be it sms or wad... we will become more stranger... its true tat we must let nature take its course but sometimes jus a random chitchat also nice wad...
Why there's such a person like u...
When tgth already cant give me the secure i wan..
now... jus some intiative to care abt me also cant?
Can u jus for the sake of me..Help me...
I dont want to feel so terrible anymore...
U just have to sometimes text me random talk wif me...
talk to me nicely can le...
is it too difficult?
not like i ask u to cut ur fresh out...
jus a small request...

Work for 1week plus already...
We all dont really like tat fulltimer...
Always act in front of our boss...
tat day stay back helped out the gift and he said like im unwillingly tieing the ribbon cos he sees my face so black -.-
Hello who say i bushuang...
im just thinking of other things...
stop assuming things...
And stop being so zi yi wei shi...
teach me how to tie ribbon on the box...
not like i totally dont know...
You are not flexible at all..
the boss taught u wad, u jus si si follow...
Also dont be so longwinded la...
Doesnt mean i am new here alot of things i dont know...
i consider quite fast in learning those things...
even the most difficult word Baklavias i could pronounce correctly whereas alot of ppl couldnt..
And u always pai ma pi...
*shake head*

Ytd saw the other eye candy :)
but his working hr is like weird also...
but at least i know he still working for tat counter...
haha i sounds so desperate... nowsaday posts keep saying abt my eye candy...
but its a good motivation for me to go work...
HAHA

Tml my next medical appointment and i hope its really my last trip to hospital...
I will know my blood test result...
Scared!
After tat if everything is fine i will plan to go oversea liao...
Weichiang, Ahliy and Ahfang! BANGKOK... end july or august!

There's a "guy" working at Godiva and we all are so curious if he's a male or female...
so we asked ridwan...
he said:' He's a male, but maybe he's confused of his sex...'
Me laughing non-stop sia...
He used CONFUSED this word to describe...
so me n weichiang keep using the CONFUSED word..
like when we are blur we said we r CONFUSED!
this word really made me laughed like mad...
so when we told Nick he also joined in to use this word...
haha

And i bluff Ridwan tat im a lesbian..
haha
ytd i worked same shift as him
so he asked me again so am i really a lesbian
so i laughed and said YA!

I think my the other eye candy not working le :(
Ytd was a bad morning...
Came 1 caterpillar bus but FULL...
Came another short bus but FULL...
waited like 10-15min later finally i boarded bus...
so i reached ard 935am... luckily i dont need to punch card...
so my eye candy also working morning shift :)
the whole morning was so quiet..
no customer and finally i opened 1 bill!

by right 6pm i could knock off.. but i rather stay back awhile to help out the gift thingy...
make myself busy...
i really wan Mazhui myself with work...
i hate it when im eating alone i will tink of u...
seeing u drinking wif ur fren suddenly this come to my mind...
u said u wan cut drinking le.. but we all know friends are very impt to u...
if they ask u out or go drinking u wont reject...
anyway i also dont have the right to bother this...

now i totally didnt msg u since tat day...
i was thinking if this continue we wont be back to gd fren anymore..
cos we dont contact each other...
this thing really frustrating me...
thinking hard wad shld i really do...
last time as a fren when im sick u still will unexpectedly msg me caring How am i? feeling better...
but now...
u also wont ask me How's my work..
u jus freaking enjoying ur life...
do u know this kind of feeling is damn terrible...
U can even treat a jus know fren better than me ba...
tats y i was saying im nothing to u at all...
I am jus a SHIT in ur life...
still say wad guilty to hurt me...
den cant u jus treat me nicer as a friend...
u hurted me so much when we tgth couldnt u now as a normal friend jus treat me nicer...
why are u always so selfish!
still say u are not happy to see me suffer...
now im suffering... trying not to tink of u so ping ming work...
weichiang still said jus record down the time i left work..
and i said:' Dont need, it's me who volunteer to stayback so i wont take this money.'
i rather make myself busy wif work than going home thinking abt u...
The best way to make me stop being so terrible is YOU! Can u not be so cold to me...
If u still dont know how to face me now but cant u jus msg me sometimes asking how m i...
jus becos we broke... our previous friendship also Break?
our friendship so fragile? i dont mean anything to u in ur life...
ya lor... u have so many friends beside u in ur life...
without me this fren its alright for u...
since im jus a SHIT!
You will never know how is the feeling like when u feel so yuan wang and feel tat u dont deserve this kind of cold treatment but still i get this kind of ending...

Can u just treat it as doing charity?
Stop making me feel even terrible...
u know very well all along u are an impt friend to me...
i know very clear if u care for me it's really purely friend care and not others...
i didnt put in any hope tat we can patch back cos i know it wont happen...
i jus wan be ur friend...
ur Good friend!
And u said before... friend dont have expectation...
but ME...
thing had happened and we couldnt change the fact that we once tgth
jus becos u dont have feeling for me
u could jus throw me away?
Throw me to the bottom of ur fren list stated as STRANGER?
im diff from ur previous gf...
u cant treat me like how u treat her...

Can u jus show sympathy to me...

Just treat it as doing charity?

Morning shift today...
Very tired...
Nua at the sofa and slowly bite the cheese cake tat mom bought...
Prepare and off i rushed to busstop to wait for 190...
still alot ppl...
i managed to squeeze in...
Really very sleepy but when i think of my 2 eye candy at my workplace there...
so i reached counter and didnt see them...
finally 1 came and today the other didnt work... :(

So do the usual stuff...
cut nogurt, refill dragee etc...
Lunch i ate Yoshinoya wif my neighbour... haha...
he's from NP... also waiting for NS..
so he was grumbling abt his boss...

After work went home to take Fel's present and passed it to her at her house..
Her house is super beautiful and big...
From terrace to bungalow...
Envy... hehe...
Sorry Fel... at first going for ur party but im celebrating father's day...
Meet up again ok?
Ky represented 3 of us...
haha

Ate Mahantann Fish Market...
The food so so only...

And i told sis next time she goes Shanghi Dolly must bring me along...
haha den she said there is for old ppl de...
but wad i know from her there's live band singing chinese song...
I love to listen to chinese live band...
so ya... I must visit to Shanghi Dolly soon... :)

Tml afternoon shift :(
I think my eye candys are morning shift even if they work cos i didnt see them work afternoon shift before and their working time are weird also...
Calculate my pay so far... still not bad...
Continue jiayou ba...

Nowsaday when i saw my phone there's msg, i really hope its from u..
but its dissapointing cos its not...
Sadded...
If i dont take initiative to msg u, u also wont msg me...
even if you as a friend ask me 'How is work?' I will be super happy le...
but u didnt cos u draw ur line very very clear... Do u know this kind of feeling really S***...
Couldnt be couple forever was already very sad...And im very clear tat i have NO more hope anymore...
Now becoming back to friend is really so hard... I really want things to back to normal...
As long our friendship can slowly turn better my wound will heal 1 day...
If our friendship worsen, my wound will never heal cos this even shows that becos of wrong decision made in the first place has caused a bad unwanted consequences...
Today 12th June suppose to be our 6mths but we didnt last till here...
this is my first r/s, i will rmb this date 12th when the day i got tgth wif u and 7thMay, the day u broke wif me...
Can u please come talk to me? Treat it as sympathy to me can?

Yesterday Afternoon shift...
reached the counter and the sales are really bad..
so 3 of us panic but end of the day, the sales amount managed to reach the daily average amt...
Phew~
And...
Everyone working there will at least get Kiap by the nougat drawer...
I Kiap my left middle finger because i pulled out the top drawer and at the same time with the top drawer pulled out, i pulled out the drawer tat was jus below it... so tats it.. "Ouch"
so i tried to be careful again...
Second time comes~
anxiously pulled out the drawer...
KIAP!
This time its not my left middle finger, its my right 2 fingers...
"Ouching" very loud...damn it...
It's super duper Pain!

When i reached home... my dad fry noodle so i smell gas stove smell in the toilet and
i said :' Ba... Mei Qi Wei.. den he said No? so i turned my head out of toilet and smell the kitchen.. really No... so i turned back..
Bang! i hit my head against the wall super hard...
I hit somewhere near my left eye but luckily is at the tail of my left eyebrow... if not i tink i will turn blind ... and now its swollen...
I think yesterday im very reckless.. super Gong!
I still scared i will get concussion lol...

On a happier side...
Choco aunty gave me try her Macadamia nut with red wine coating choco...
Also some other new flavour choco...
their choco are healthy cos its sugar free and their choco are selling by pieces and not gram...
some 1 small choco can cost up to $6-$7?
which is like my 1 hr pay..
haha
but tat nice aunty everyday let us try...
keep asking us "Gurl/Boy want to try my chocolates.."
HAHAHA

Yesterday i drank 2 small cup of coffee..
haha
this time the coffee aunty will make the coffee and bring it to our counter...
Thanks aunty...

And~
There is one customer who ate our sample pastry from...
Weichiang was serving him and i standing at the side and the customer suddenly did something and i was shocked and so weichiang also... after the customer walked away...
me n weichiang keep laughing so Nick asked" wad happen"
and we said and laughed non-stop
den he said Dont keep laughing at tat customer la... very evil lei..
everyday will definitely have some funny weird things happen...
and so far working with the 2 guys are fun...
we joke n crap...

And...
My working area there's a handsome guy... haha
Eye candy...
but his counter is beside beside mine...
I can only see him when i walk to toilet...
haha
in fact actually from my counter i still can see him...
haha... side view...
ok.. i Fa Hua Chi again...


And...
I please you...
can you dont be cold to me anymore when the next time i see u?

Yesterday full shift was tiring...
becos both lady boss came to the counter so i couldnt slack...
have to keep standing outside counter shouting Hi Madam, any nougart/pastry for u?
keep turning left n right to look out for customers...
Had my lunch alone.. I hate it...
Bought the korean cripsy cutlet and went to the fountain near taka square sit down and eat
Damn full after tat went toilet n back counter again...
so i continue call out for customer to try out product...

Finally boss left n i could slack awhile inside the counter....
Dinner i only had 1 stick of toriQ?
den i did washing and Nick did closing...

I jealous of people who get attention from others naturally...
sometimes i want to get attention from ppl but none gave....
Sad right...
From last time since i like u... i always hope u can sometimes lay ur eyes on me.. but did u?
U would always lay ur eyes on other gurls but not me...
and miracely, at least for tat 3mths u did really look at me...
after tat worst thing in my life had happen...
things back to square one or i could say turn worser than before...
U dont talk to me.. i dont talk to u...sometimes i msg u, u did reply but ur reply is so short...
tats y i said im so thick skinned and chi tao ku chi...

seeing u talking to others so happily...
and im so quiet there...
I dont know y i should torture myself like this...
already know tat i will be left out still.... maybe if i try to join in but u also wont bother abt me
I was trying very hard to make things become better but i think its becoming worst...

Sometimes ppl who can get attention from others should feel fortunate cos at least ppl look at u... and u... u always get attention from the ppl ard u, u where will know how it's feel like when noone pay attention to u...

Me... posting anything in my fb... posting anything in my blog... i doubt ppl will see it...
Now i just continue this job since i work most of the time seldom off...
and den i can plan an oversea with maybe jieliy,lifang,weichiang...
Bangkok!!! Their clothes are super cheap there and fashionable...
and i swear... if tat trip comes true.. i will throw away those ugly clothes...
sometimes have to dote on myself.. make myself happy by wearing pretty clothes..pretty shoes...pretty accessorities... since i am NOT pretty at all be it inner/outer no wonder cant attract u.. ok im ugly.. unlike my sis... so many suitors..

Ok today my 5th day of work :D
hmm.. im still doing quite ok at my workplace?
at least i start knowing my neighbours...
haha
ytd the whole day, from morning till night i was staring at the coffee opp my counter...
and finally the aunty asked me... Xiao Mei u wan try our coffee... Yes!
and their coffee is nice! very smooth abit of bitternesss..

Gotten a new job at taka basement2 selling nougarts,pastry and choco...
Fri, first day of work... weichiang asked me work full shift so i went to the counter during morning... den the counter has so many ppl... so i shld be working afternoon shift... becos of some communication error lor... make me have to wait until 1pm den go back counter again.. come early didnt get paid...
I learned the diff types of pastry, how to be a cashier, how to pack and weigh things etc...

2nd day of work,Sat
Worked morning shift after work went home to eat dinner and prepare to meet the rest for drinking...
Went to White bar and i only sang 1 song...
At first just wan to drink as much as i can but next day i got to work so i cannot drink too much
wasted this time becos this time i could stay outside overnite...
Dedrick and brendan drunk.... they are super scary...
i wonder wad will i do when im drunk?

3rd day of work, Sun
Afternoon shift with weichiang...
he is so angry with tat guy cos he threw away his 1.5L water so he revenged...
he put in small sample into tat guy's water bottle...
Me and Nick scared tat later he found out den we are doom!
weichiang at first jus wan to throw his bottle into dustbin but we said CANNNOT la!
so he threw in and took out again...
disgusting sia... so wicked...
haha

Hardly i can get to sit down only during my 1hr break..
so my ankle abit swollen... stand too much... leg aching
I called dad den he said he is outside so he can come fetch me...
haha... my dad is so nice.. he still ask me eat dinner le ma..
den i said i ate at 5pm... so he drove to nearby mac bought mac home...
Also HAPPY BIRTHDAY FATHER!!!
STAY HEALTHY...
maybe im the youngest tats y my dad control n care for me more... haha
I got friends who care for me... i got family to love me... u dont love me nvm i go find others who can...

ton whole night and didnt get to slp at all..
at first i dont feel sleepy in the afternoon...
nighttime i started feeling ......
den i went crazyy abit...
keep laughing and talk nonsense...
but working with weichiang is fun cos i got someone to talk n crap to...
so the time will pass faster...
So far i got choco to eat from the counter besides me and coffee to drink opp me :D

Today OFF! haha.. damn tired so i sleep n sleep until 11am.. shiok..
Now i got myself a job though its jus selling choco, nougarts, pastry but i can interact with customers so its not a bad thing afterall... enhancing my social and communication skill...
it's important to Da Hao Guan Xi with the rest of counters...
I think this month i will work quite alot of days.. sometimes still need full shift... so it will cancel out the rest day... full shift work 10hr so can earn $70 a day
Saw this at twitter.... Quoted from Xstrology
-Pisces always gives more than they get...
-Pisces tend to be more concerned with other people problems then their own. Not because they are nosy but because they care.


If u dont like to read this kind of post u dont read..
I doubt u will read my blog also...

Ya la its your choice whether u wan to reply my msg...
just becos u dont have feeling for me
just becos u broke with me
U find that u have the rights to treat me like this...
So all along our friendship is so fragile?
jus becos we broke up its hard for us to be back gd fren?
from last time, u dont notice me...
maybe i just dont have any good attractive qualities to attract u
last time since when u have really sit down n tink what kind of person am i...
until when i confessed to u den u think...
Am i really such a bad gurl? no attractive qualities tat can attract u to look at me?

Now i know i dont know u at all...
What u are thinking/feeling... All i dont know since last time...
I thought u will treat me better as friend now cos u said u hurted me but NO!
I thought after broke up u will feel guilty and mibu me by caring and talk to me more but NO!
I rather like last time when we are gd fren... u would care even more...
Now even though we talk but jus abit... we are so stranger now...
I hate it u know...
I couldn't stand this...

Can u teach me to be so normal in the clique?
Teach me how to show that everything didnt happen and you can be so happy now...
U say u r guilty...
Are u sure anot...
dont always lie to me...

Jiang nan ting yi dian... I am just a toy to u...(though u said im not but u just make me feel im)
Sudden xintong and u accepted me...
tgth starting u are nice n sweet towards me...
when ur feeling started to fade off
you started to show attitude and sometimes ignore wad i asked u...
No more feeling u can just throw me away...
You dont know how to appreciate me nevermind i can go find someone who treat me like gold and not grass...
I could see u treat her like gold... cos u like her ma... ur feeling for her slowly build up...
Couldnt be couple be best fren... Ur treating to her is bias... becos she is not just ur bestfren but also someone u like...

You said everytime after work u are tired of msg/reply me
If u r tired of replying me den u can just tell me...
U go think abt it.. if its her who msg u, u will feel tired meh...
The last time i met u and supposely im going to say everything out but i failed...
If u saw this post u of cos super angry thinking why am i still digging out all these...
my heart is made from fresh.. im not cold blooded... i m super emotional person
No matter what this was my first relationship... U RUINED IT!
U think i can be so xiao sha just treat it as a game?
Though i said i promise not to bring it out again, i still have the freedom to say out how i feel...
U always broke ur promise so can i...
Since u ignored my msg tat i talked abt all these den i rather jus write it in my blog and next few yrs when i read back all my posts i will think that I am so so Silly last time...

I am angry and hate u until i wish to slap u but i still wan to thickskin care for u...
I think i really still need time to cool down...
jus make myself work n work n work and i will be fine and let go the past...
continue living my life and let nature takes its course to turn us back to gd fren...